Air travel tips for idiots (or everyone I seem to get stuck with on an airplane)

My recent flight to Houston reminded me of how frustrating traveling can be. Here are some of my most basic, common-sense recommendations for anyone getting on a flight:

1. Do not wear strong-smelling lotions, perfumes or colognes. Examples: patchouli, rose-scented lotion, any cologne or perfume that you can smell on yourself. (This is true: if you can smell your own cologne or perfume after you put it on, you're wearing too much). Not everyone is as much of a fan of Windsong as you are.


2. Keep your shoes on, unless specifically requested to remove them by a member of the Transportation Safety Administration or other law enforcement official. No one wants to smell that "perfume" either.

3. Don't bring strong-smelling meals on a plane unless you plan to share with the rest of us. Items such as Indian food, sauerkraut, etc. are not recommended.


*I apologize for the emphasis on smells. On the way down, I had all three of these at once (well, it wasn't bare feet but two German women sitting next to me, but it's pretty much the same idea).

4. If your "carry-on" luggage won't fit in the overhead compartment, give it to a flight attendant to gate check. Do not:
a) empty the entire bin of everyone else's appropriate sized carry-ons
b) repeatedly slam the door to the bin trying to make it fit
c) ask for help in cramming it into a space where it was never designed to fit.
Chances are it's not actually carry-on luggage, and you're just too lazy to go to baggage claim.

5. If you are traveling with many carry-on items and will take awhile to recover all of them, wait for the rest of the passengers to deplane. Do not hold up everyone from rows 6-25 so you can get all of your bags.

6. Go to the restroom before boarding the plane. For a normal adult, there is no reason to use the "restroom" on an airplane during a 1 hour flight.

7. Respect your fellow travelers' privacy. If they respond to your conversation starting attempts with nothing more than a smile and nod, or one-word answers with no eye contact, do not continue trying to start a conversation. They don't want to talk to you.

I thought about adding some tips regarding children, but that's a whole different ball of wax. Maybe some other time...